Being Bullied at 36

It's so crazy how offended people are by me as I heal and start to express parts of myself I before had severed. Now, I get it's not personal, but it makes me feel like I'm in high school again trying to be cool. When I was a teenager, I cared so much about popularity. I thought it truly mattered, and all I wanted was to fit in. I did a great job, back then. I was very popular and most people thought I was super happy. Except, I wasn't. I was actually in deep pain, and hated being at both my mom's and dad's house. I never felt like I had a safe home. So, I thought if I at least won the popularity contest in school, I'd have victory in at least one world. But the truth is it was a false victory. I was still depressed and I lost who I was. And now as I start to bring life back to these places, some people are arising trying to put me down and get me to hide my truest self. And it hurts. Even at 36 it still stings really badly. But I'm not 14 anymore, so even though it hurts I know they don't actually have power over me. And I no longer want to be friends with people who put me down. I know that being cool is really about being true to yourself. And nothing will stop me from continuing to bring my light into this world. And not only that, but I refuse to put other people down. Even the ones who are tying to hurt me. Because I see their pain. I see their insecurities. I can sense them in other people, because I see them in myself. And I no longer want to lash out in order to feel big. I used to do that to feel better about myself, but it always felt worse in the end. I had hurt them and also myself. I want to soften and be a good role model for my beautiful son. Who is entering middle school next year, and will be met with the same attitude but even worse. Because that's where all this starts. Kids feel so weird and alone so they attempt to fit in so others won't see their truest selves. But guess what? We are all crazy weird beautiful beings. and I'm no longer scared to show it. My heart goes out to any child, teenager, or adult getting bullied. Please know you are not alone.