I am fuming right now. It drips out of me like syrup sweet, thick and sticky. I can't believe I'm here again. It almost seems like nothing I do can allow me to escape this discomfort. Except I know that's not totally true. I can continue to fight to stay awake. To speak my truth. And that won't save me from the tragedies that life will bring, but it allow me to not suffer unproductively. So I will sit with this feeling, I will swim through the mucky tar as best I can. And I will go deeper and deeper inside myself. I will continue to find the light that I had buried so deep inside me. And I will have faith. Tons and tons of faith that if I continue to meet each moment with as much presence and integrity as possible I will have what I've always truly wanted. To feel alive.