9/3

Such an important day really. A lot of it is about patience I think. When you look forward to a specific date and then it comes but doesn't go as planned. Or when you have a date in mind but something amazing comes even earlier. Shane's due date was today but 2006. But he came August 22nd 2006. He has changed my life more than you know. I had no idea who I was until that beautiful boy blessed my life. And today one his due date he got his first phone, and I have to say it's been hard letting go of the baby I raised and seeing him become a pre-teen. Seeing the impermanence of life, and just hoping that with how deeply we love no matter what happens it can't be lost. No matter how many times we die and fight to be seen. That ultimately we will always be connected. That we can truly never be destroyed because we are energy. One time I said to Shane, "I'm sad that you are getting older and won't always be my baby." He said to me "Even though my body ages my soul will be the same." I mean this kid has truly blown me away since day one. I can barely contain the love and sorrow in my heart some times because of it. There are certain people that come into your life and for whatever reason move you beyond measure. Another one who has changed me has a birthday today. It's no coincidence that it's on this significant date. And today we got into a fight, and it broke my heart. It just reminds me of how hard we all are on ourselves. I wanted to beat myself up and tell myself I fucked it all up until I realized I've done that my whole life. Thinking I was fucking everything up. I just can't do that to myself anymore. And I can't keep beating myself up that I'm not the perfect mother, or friend, or anything for that matter. Because no one is perfect, and it's time I accept that. I'm ready to really love myself and to in turn truly love others. I was always beating myself up so the ones I loves got it too. I just want to be grateful for the people in my life who give me so much love. You have changed my life and I love you all.

Happy Birthday Tim <3